August 9th 2014

Today is the day I stop doing things simply for the purpose of getting a pat on the head from the world.

 I'm done with wondering how I look, sound,  and measure up to others.    My life is not a play on display for the audience's stamp of approval.  I have hopes and dreams and aspirations that God placed in my heart, head and soul.   Those are there for a reason.  I need to mine that, dig into it, open it up to the sunlight. What do I want?? Where do I want to go?    It doesn't matter if I go alone, It doesn't matter if the world doesn't approve, or is not amused or thinks It's not good enough.
I need to do it, if God put in in my heart I need to do it. I need to do it to please him and to please myself.
I'm sorry for the years wasted trying to show others that I'm just like them or good enough.
I am good enough, but I'm not just like anybody, nor do I want to be, anymore. 
So I'm done with that and ready for what God has for me. I'm ready to go on the adventure he chose for me. It's just me and God, and that's all that's needed.  He gave me a love for writing, I need to turn it into a talent.  He gave me a love for photography, I need to turn it into art. He gave me a love for life, I need to dive in, explore, step out 
enjoy and give it my best. I need to sweat, strain, work hard, struggle and keep on even when I want to go find something comfortable to  immerse my self in.
 I want something good for me, but I can't be afraid to work for it. I can't be afraid to sweat for it. I can't be afraid that the world won't think it's good enough. I can be afraid.  When I have created something, when I have accomplished that feat,  I must know that IT IS GOOD.  Not because someone else gave it a blue ribbon, but because God planted the seed and gave me everything I needed to make it grow and flower. It is good because I enjoy it.  I work for myself, and for God 
his approval, and my approval is all that is required.
I'm ready, He is with me, That is all I need.